Yes.
Even if this was not actually a first but what the fuck ever.
I've been meaning to talk about it because it's just one of those things that I guess should be grandchildren talk (or blackmail material) -choose your weapon.
So...I'm bringing out the big guns and I request from you, my fellow darlings, not to get your panties in a bunch.
I have been on my first date.
-some time ago-
And, yes I've attended today to my second one.
These two particular encounters were, dare I say...
as awkward as a motherfucking cocksucker licking a monkeyishly hairy ass.
...
forgive my rude and offensive language.
So,what happened :
Yesterday, I was chilling at home, catching up on the awesomeness that is Merlin (btw Colin Morgan is seriously too cute O.O) when my phone suddenly rang.
I sat up and looked at the screen: my aunt.
I debated answering.
She can be a handful when she wants ( but she really doesn't even have to try *rolls eyes*)
...but in the end I said fuck it and answered.
The talk on the phone was fairly short. I had a simple task.
Buy milk from point A and bring it to her to point B. ha...(I should have guessed)
So I dragged my ass out of bed because that's where I resided still in pj's you know...went to the bathroom yada, yada...
so I'm almost ready when she calls again.
and guess what?she bossed me around telling me that 18 minutes have already passed.
The nerve!! I mean I knew that I was a cheeky bitch but daaamn that was just soooo inconsiderate of me...what was I thinking...getting ready going to the bathroom when I should have rushed protecting the precious nectar of gods with my life. *rolls eyes*
So after another 18 minutes,I guess, I finally arrived.
She was making tomato muffins.
....yum....
So,I was just there, lingering when my phone rang exactly at 4:15 (pm of course...)
thinking it was my mother I let it ring a couple of times...she had it coming huh, refusing to make me breakfast *rolls eyes*
but then I glanced at the screen and I though
FUUUUUUUCK
the cause of my distress was of course a boy.
We were classmates last year and somehow we were friends I guess....naaah...more like ,more acquainted acquaintances.
but then last month he suddenly asked me out...it was very casual if not totally blunt and awkward. I said yes and after that long long Saturday I hoped that he had realized that we were only friends.
well apparently no such fucking luck.
sooo after freaking out I started cursing successfully shocking both my aunt and my grandma, who was by the way in the room, happily and innocently eating cherries without a care in the world.
well,I, of course rushed out of the room did some more pacing before, in a moment of great weakness, answered that damned phone.
aaaaand I swear I thought about ignoring the call, but again no such motherfucking luck.
it went like this:
Me: Hello
He: Hi,hey what's up?
Me: naaah nothing-
He:...I was wondering if you'd like watching a movie tomorrow....
Me:yeah sure what time?
He: what?you don't want to?that's ok...you don't have to...
Me:...no I'd like to I was asking at what time?
He: aaaah well...the movie start's at 3:30 sooo
Me:ah ok than I'll meet you there at 3.Bye
He: Bye.
.....
the events after this peculiar phone call can be omitted as when I returned my aunt and grandma proceeded in making fun of me.
.....
sooo that brings us back to today.
I did arrive 15 minutes earlier as last time.And yes he was already there
(well last time he was 20 minutes late...)
he purchased the ticket cause it was some unimportant bonus day and we only had to pay for one...well he did, I bough the drinks.
Anyway so we took our seats.
guess what? the room was empty save from two big-boned middle grade boys and a pretentious looking couple.
and suddenly the lights went out and his scent invaded my nostrils.
I know that I shouldn't be repulsed but maaan that smells had my stomach upside down...
I mean it was just soap.....manufactured by the devil...but soap nonetheless.
sooo we just sat like that in the dark and I remember thinking that this particular silence is the kind that is usually broken by a fart or something equally embarrassing like that.
buut as I am a lady I did no such thing and only a shameless snort escaped my lips.
yeees a real lady.
The movie was fun, I guess, we watched Paul.It was easy concentrating on it as my face was covered by my hair so he couldn't notice the ever present hand that was clutching my nose.
after the movie we walked around the stores some more and talked, actually it was just me trying but failing miserably at holding up a typical date kind conversation but mostly it was just awkward silence.
Let me tell you something about today's weather: as hot as a flaming monkey ass on a donkey plate.
So I suggest taking the tram. He says : ... it's ok if you want you can go but I'll walk.
Now let me tell you something about the place we've been to: well...it's not a spit away
soo because I felt generous on the outside I played the polite girl : Naaah I'll walk with you. Inside it was a whole other story...I was frustrated and sweating like a pig to put it bluntly.
So on the way he mumbled something about having to go somewhere to buy something...
I said ok because mostly I couldn't understand a word he was saying as cars were passing us by and everything he said was like a whisper to me. So I nodded a lot.
Finally when we rounded a corner after a dorky and very very stupid conversation regarding the quietness of Medieval ages...he said something along the lines
'they didn't live past the age of 20..'
and 'were killed by guards'
and desperate to contribute to this one sided conversation that was waaaay beyond me I add
'yeaah and they're houses were made of hay so they caught fire like crazy'
he mumbled a quiet 'uhum' and a rush of I-don't-know-what-the-fuck-I-am-doing-here came over me again.
I asked him about the place he had to go and it went like:
Me: soo what do you have to buy?Is it something important or can I come too?
He: if you don't want to come you don't have to, it's not like you are attached to my ass.
...wow thinking back, I don't know how I actually managed not to flip the fuck out.
He sounded like a total douche there for a moment and I bit my tongue.
I replied:
'Well now that was a real endearing comeback reaaal fitting'
maybe he sensed that something was wrong and instead of falling into another socially awkward silence he began talking about....latin...and that it should be taught more carefully in schools.
!!!!!O__O!!!!!
in the end we went to a bookstore and he bought a dictionary.
*siiigh*
our goodbyes were sudden and again what was that word again?uuuum...AWKWARD
Him: Ok...this is well then
Me: weeell...ok bye!
Him: Bye
and he ran off.
Mostly after re-reading this I feel bad
he comes off as a shy ok nice guy who somehow showed and interest in me and I am being a complete selfish pretentious complaining bitch.
but after today he will probably think that I am an airhead who smiles too much and is not near as smart as him.
Oh well my big fucking loss *rolls eyes*
I just hope that he doesn't call me again....
p.s I have blisters on my feet again and I miss Mada.
daamn.
