When a finger points at the sky, fools look at the finger

I know.

I am fully aware that I said last night, erm more like very early this morning that I'll be continuing with the other items from my list but I simply cannot fulfill this promise.

For I am now overcome with emotion over a wonderful piece of work that may as well be called my favourite film from now on: Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, in short, Amélie.

While watching, occasionally I had to pause the movie because I got so overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of it that I couldn't process it all so quickly.

Actually, 5 minutes into it and I already knew that something unique and amazing was going to befall before my eyes.And yes I was right.

When I think of it, it took me so long to see this work of art because I was hesitant when it came to it being french.

Needn't I have worried because it would have lost it's charm were it not in french. My only regrets are that besides not understanding it, I am picturing myself in French classes and I see half lidded eyes, huge yawns and my sketch covered textbook. So yes, I am to blame here.

Anyway, I consider that the essence of its brilliance lies in the little things. Simplicity.

Amelie Poulain portrayed by the wonderful Audrey Tautou gives you a brief glimpse into the mind of a naive, innocent but intelligent 24 year old woman.

Everything, from the delicate curve of her neck, the way her lips shape when she gets that mischievous smile to her big doe dark eyes draws you in and charms you completely.

Actually when you first take her in you have the impression that she just pulled a joke on someone and she's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I could just write and write about how bright and full of life this movie is and still not overemphasis its genius.
All in all this movie makes me want to see everything in a different light and smile because I know that underneath all those obvious things are little details that brighten up everything.

Obviously the title is a quote from the movie.

Jo

La veillee

Actually when I started this post my mind was set, ready to write yet again another letter to my future depressed (self diagnosed,why of course) persona.

Fortunately, a flash of genius prevented me from writing another ballad consisting of bad weather,ear screeching voices, sad tell tales and important 21th century issues.

Well it's all good when a change is involved,right?After all I'm not exactly known as a habitual individual (insert ironic smile here). But I fear that first I'll have to write down some of those important things that'll replace my usual monologue in this post (you shouldn't be fooled,besides having a short attention span I'm also akin to forgetfulness, so you'll have to excuse my not-so-aesthetic way of writing). Here it goes:

1.Movies ( I've recently had the pleasure of watching)

2.Music ( My ear thanked me for/cried because of listening to)

3.Books (I feel like the new Stephen King books are exactly like the great white whale.Mythic)

4.Solitaire ( I'm all about solitaire these days)

5.Fanfictions ( People seriously need to update more often)

6. Series (I've been fangirling in secret for so long now that I'm going to burst)

7. Matthew Macfadyen (I love him I love him I love him I love him)

So now that I have written down all the topics I'll be covering in this post filled with positive thinking and general happy-go-lucky attitude, let us begin.

1.Movies

Well since I've been missing for so long, I never talked about the list I have and the decision I made.

Remember me moping and complaining about my future self that has no future because besides lacking self motivation I also suffer from chronically disastrous scatterbrainism? 

Of course that illness is so rare and unknown that the cure is more precious than a white baby dragon (mind you, I've been told that my comparisons are completely random and usually in no way related to my topic of choice).

Anyway I have not yet bought (won?) the code I'll need to redeem in order to push my boundaries and get on with my future occupation (I don't necessarily refer to a career) but I hope I'm on the way.

All things aside, in a moment of brilliance -or foolishness- I've decided to study film.

Yes, I won't get into details because that'll just drive me into another frenzy.

But my point is I've made a list with movies that I would like to watch.

I've seen some great ones throughout summer.

And the more recent will be listed below, but I'll be very brief because my nocturnal activities usually consist of sleeping and playing solitaire (not necessarily in that order) and not of writing down my ever present thoughts (gasp, shame on me).

 Matrix Trilogy

Well actually I'm surprised myself that I'm even mentioning it. But without much ado I can coolly and with much welcomed abandonment say that I liked it. Besides the cheap costumes, the bad sleek haircuts and the moves that made me roll my eyes, Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss do a pretty good job at keeping me interested (of course the other actors did a great job as well). As an off note I'll say that I was merrily entertained by the giant robotic head from the last part that was listed in the credits as 'Deus ex machina'.

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum

This movie certainly has an eye catching title and not just because of the length. I had to double take every time I wrote it down because I always included a wrong 'that' or 'my'.

But referring to the actual film, it was a 99 minute long (or short) decision that kept me laughing and smiling the whole time. It all rounded up perfectly in the end and, after the credits rolled I felt a satisfied feeling that I can easily remember even now. The happy ending('of course'), prior to the incredibly funny chariot chase made me see the '60s musical comedies under a new light.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

The stop motion animation, the quirky humor and the well crafted story made me adore this movie. Of course without the numerous wonderfully talented voice actors it would have been crude and lost it's appeal of classic animation.

 I'd like to quote the speech that Mr. Fox made in the end so you get a taste of what won me over:

“They say all foxes are slightly allergic to linoleum, but it's cool to the paw… They say my tail needs to be dry-cleaned twice a month, but now it's fully detachable… They say our tree will never grow back, but one day something will. Yes, these crackles are made of artificial goose and these giblets come from artificial squab and even these apples look fake. But at least they've got stars on them.”

***

Sigh

Well it's way past my self imposed bed time and my daily need of solitaire has not been satiated so I'll be forced to take my leave.

But not without promising that I'll return tomorrow to complete my list and get rid of my well achieved title of  a gloomy, dejected and low spirited adolescent that passes trough a long stereotypical phase.

***

As an off note the post title refers to the song entitled obviously the same and composed by the gifted Yann Tiersen. The term 'la veillee' actually can mean either a religious vigil or a long night spent merrily (in medieval times).

Well take a guess.

Jo.

Nothing really bothers her.She just wants to love herself

I don't remember.

My mum does.

She told me that when I was younger (like knee height younger) I was asked what I wanted to be.

****

Now, a couple of weeks ago I attended a summer program and in one of the sessions they asked us the same question. What was your childhood dream?

We were given 15 minutes to draw our dreams on a sheet of paper and organize our thoughts to give a quick speech.

I found this one of the hardest tasks we were given.

Why?

Because even as I child I never took anything seriously.

I remember playing with my much older neighbour and pretending I was someone else.

I liked saying 'flowers' whenever our conversations took a serious turn, I can still see the cold glint in her eyes and hear her unspoken words:

'You're just a child you don't understand.'

I found it hard to deal with other people's feelings when I was not sure of my own.

I find it hard to express myself.

I find it even harder not to lie to myself.

Because I breeze through the day with a smile upon my face.

But when I face my pillow I repeat the same mantra I've been trying to convince myself:

Am I happy?

I am happy.

I am happy.

I am happy.

So back to the assignment we were given.

I did the natural thing.

I lied.

I drew a smiling me dressed as a vet surrounded by a bunch of weird (non-existed) animals.

And in the middle I wrote:

Compassion

Helping

Nature

Fun

Happiness

...

Another lie.

You see, those were not the goals of my younger self.

Those are not the goals of my older self either.

Those are just the values that a perfect me would choose.

Compassion?

According to the dictionary it mean:

Deep awareness of the suffering of another, coupled with the wish to relieve it.

I am confused.

I do feel it.

But as of recently I had trouble feeling anything of the sort.

Instead, I am quite good at reproducing it.

Especially when compassion and father come up in the same sentence.

Horrid.

Helping?

I am terrible at giving advice, I have no idea how to give a motivating speech and on no account do I know the things I should do when I am asked for help.

Instead, I just listen.

I don't talk because I am not good with words when I am actually required to speak.

So I stay quiet and let my own selfishness shine as the other party thinks that I lend a shoulder to cry on.

Because I am insecure and I fear rejection.

Nature?

As in animals and plants?

It's another exaggerated thing I do...

...I think.

I picked this thing up from someone who did it years before me.

I was sure that she was just trying to deceive herself and it was working.

She never realized.

She still does it.

But now I do it as well.

It's against nature what I do.

It's the most unnatural thing I do.

Fun?

Now this is something.

Here's what I do:
I read something that describes a good time between friends, or I see a movie that illustrates a deeply shared bond with another individual.

And I'm sitting in my room and just think:

When will I get to do that?

And I just wait.

And wait.

And fear that whatever may come, it'll pass silently by me because I am too aware and too restless.

Happiness?

How can you achieve something that can't be achieved by just yearning alone?

How can you hope for something that's unpredictable and may last only a few seconds?

How can you (I) tell the moment when you (I) are (am) truly happy?

How do you recognize it?

Do you work for it or you just wait for it to come to you?

I am undecided, disoriented and left with the feeling of wanting more and more and MORE.

So now that I feel like a peeled onion, I am back to my first forgotten mature dream.

My mum said I wanted to be a, and now brace yourselves:

a

street sweeper.

O.O

I kid you not!

And I've been wondering why?

If I were to take it into serious consideration than I'd naturally ask myself: what's the appeal?

But for that matter I have to shut off my now brain, and look into my history closet and put on my good old goldfish brain.

So here's what I came up with:

Pretty coloured fall leaves.

And that is my only explication.

I have this kind of thing that I imagine before I fall asleep (when my brain doesn't seem to get a hint). I don't know where I've seen it, must have been cartoons but anyway.

It was cold (like December cold) and the protagonist finds a stray mum cat and it's kittens in the street shivering.So he takes off his hat (it's a very nice looking top hat- the warmer version) and ushers the cat family in it. It's nice and cozy for them.And then before leaving he covers the hat with his muffler.

I imagine myself curled in a top hat feeling safe.

Yes!

That is my secret.

I must post this now, because I have the uncontrollable urge to delete everything I've written.

And I don't think that I'll ever have nerve or patience to write something like that about myself ever again.

I feel the love,guys I really do

You know that thing when you have two loving and supporting parents that stand by you no matter what and encourage you in everything you do.

You know that?

Do you?

Cause I don't.

And maybe I am exaggerating and feel this way because of the fight I had with my father earlier but I like to think that I am not that of a drama queen.

And in no way am I physically abused,so it shouldn't be that bad right?

Well the thing is that he has this magical power of putting you down no matter the reason.Even if he does something remotely wrong and you get angry cause that's the way things go normally,no sir, you have no right to talk back because he is the person who raised you and brought you up.

Which seems like a bunch of bull to me seeming as he no longer puts his only child's priorities in front of his own.Ummm for like the last 4 years.

He considers that I am old enough to deal with everything yet so many times he treats me like a spoiled child (which I like to think that I am not).

Anyway what does spoiled mean?

I am on no account a rich kid.

We barely have money to eat.We never make ends meet.

So the only thing that's left for me is wishing.

'I wish I had that...' 'Oh I'd love one of those...'

But apparently I come off as a selfish little ungrateful brat.

So long story short: Earlier this year I failed to achieve a high score at some thing.And I honestly don't know what happened there, I'm not about to boast but usually I'm fairly acceptable at it, and I can't really blame it on anything so it just simply happened.A mistake.My father never takes interest in anything that is related to my school life.Basically he doesn't give a shit.So imagine my surprise when he exploded over that matter.He was so mad and mean.

It's not like he was disappointed -I know that for sure because last year I almost failed math and he knew and he didn't even bat an eyelid.He doesn't know my interests, he doesn't care to spend time with me.I'm alright with that.As long as he stays out of my hair I have no reason to hold a grudge against him.

But when he behaves like this and he drops a bomb I'm left feeling deeply hurt and just silly.

Earlier we were discussing about some upcoming thing that requires money.

So he puffed and rolled his eyes at me and condescendingly told me that even though he is going to pay for that I'll fail because that's what I always do.

So instead of bursting in tears and feeling like a nuisance that doesn't deserve a great parent like him I got angry.

And talked back.

So we started screaming back and forth at each other.

'I can't help but get mad when I'm furious'- Bernard Black, Black Books series.

In the end he twisted every word that I threw at him and he was sure that I was threatening him. And when I gave him a reasonable explanation that he got it all wrong (in a slightly raised voice) he just ignored it and went on and on and on.

Guess his favorite censored choice of words? selfish,ungrateful,spoiled were thrown in the mix with a bunch of other physically abusing words that I have no intention of retailing.

Not that bad,not that bad,huh?

So we exchanged some more hurtful words (basically it was just him uttering profanities and me trying to defend myself and failing seeming as he ignored every word that I verbalized but changed their meaning so he could have the upper hand).

And then suddenly exhausted of even breathing in the same room I went to take a shower.

Now I'm here complaining.

He and my mom went to bed about 20 minutes ago. I can hear everything they mumble as our rooms are connected by a balcony and because of the excruciating heat all the windows are open.

So after five minutes of obscene muttering he finally fell asleep.

But the main question that I am willing to ask myself over and over again is:

What is my mother doing?

I have no patience nor nerve to continue this post about the ways that she continues to dishearten me so I'll just wrap it up.

She takes no sides when him and I quarrel but when my father's wrath falls upon her, she comes to me and badmouths him to no end.

I just hope, I mean, really hope that one day I won't wake up jaded and fed up with everything around me and think 'I've turned out just like my parents'.

Now I just think that I shouldn't dramatize everything like that.

I mean it's not like I have it that bad.

*Sigh* and here is doubt, my good old friend that accompanies me in my daily life.

I was brought to a conclusion and now I should stick to it.

Not change the card and think otherwise.

I'm off now.

First are everything

Yes.

Even if this was not actually a first but what the fuck ever.

I've been meaning to talk about it because it's just one of those things that I guess should be grandchildren talk (or blackmail material) -choose your weapon.

So...I'm bringing out the big guns and I request from you, my fellow darlings, not to get your panties in a bunch.

I have been on my first date.

-some time ago-

And, yes I've attended today to my second one.

These two particular encounters were, dare I say...

as awkward as a motherfucking cocksucker licking a monkeyishly hairy ass.

...

forgive my rude and offensive language.

So,what happened :

Yesterday, I was chilling at home, catching up on the awesomeness that is Merlin (btw Colin Morgan is seriously too cute O.O) when my phone suddenly rang.

I sat up and looked at the screen: my aunt.

I debated answering.

She can be a handful when she wants ( but she really doesn't even have to try *rolls eyes*)

...but in the end I said fuck it and answered.

The talk on the phone was fairly short. I had a simple task.

Buy milk from point A and bring it to her to point B. ha...(I should have guessed)

So I dragged my ass out of bed because that's where I resided still in pj's you know...went to the bathroom yada, yada...

so I'm almost ready when she calls again.

and guess what?she bossed me around telling me that 18 minutes have already passed.

The nerve!! I mean I knew that I was a cheeky bitch but daaamn that was just soooo inconsiderate of me...what was I thinking...getting ready going to the bathroom when I should have rushed protecting the precious nectar of gods with my life. *rolls eyes*

So after another 18 minutes,I guess, I finally arrived.

She was making tomato muffins.

....yum....

So,I was just there, lingering when my phone rang exactly at 4:15 (pm of course...)

thinking it was my mother I let it ring a couple of times...she had it coming huh, refusing to make me breakfast *rolls eyes*

but then I glanced at the screen and I though

FUUUUUUUCK

the cause of my distress was of course a boy.

We were classmates last year and somehow we were friends I guess....naaah...more like ,more acquainted acquaintances.

but then last month he suddenly asked me out...it was very casual if not totally blunt and awkward. I said yes and after that long long Saturday I hoped that he had realized that we were only friends.

well apparently no such fucking luck.

sooo after freaking out I started cursing successfully shocking both my aunt and my grandma, who was by the way in the room, happily and innocently eating cherries without a care in the world.

well,I, of course rushed out of the room did some more pacing before, in a moment of great weakness, answered that damned phone.

aaaaand I swear I thought about ignoring the call, but again no such motherfucking luck.

it went like this:

Me: Hello

He: Hi,hey what's up?

Me: naaah nothing-

He:...I was wondering if you'd like watching a movie tomorrow....

Me:yeah sure what time?

He: what?you don't want to?that's ok...you don't have to...

Me:...no I'd like to I was asking at what time?

He: aaaah well...the movie start's at 3:30 sooo

Me:ah ok than I'll meet you there at 3.Bye

He: Bye.

.....

the events after this peculiar phone call can be omitted as when I returned my aunt and grandma proceeded in making fun of me.

.....

sooo that brings us back to today.

I did arrive 15 minutes earlier as last time.And yes he was already there

(well last time he was 20 minutes late...)

he purchased the ticket cause it was some unimportant bonus day and we only had to pay for one...well he did, I bough the drinks.

Anyway so we took our seats.

guess what? the room was empty save from two big-boned middle grade boys and a pretentious looking couple.

and suddenly the lights went out and his scent invaded my nostrils.

I know that I shouldn't be repulsed but maaan that smells had my stomach upside down...

I mean it was just soap.....manufactured by the devil...but soap nonetheless.

sooo we just sat like that in the dark and I remember thinking that this particular silence is the kind that is usually broken by a fart or something equally embarrassing like that.

buut as I am a lady I did no such thing and only a shameless snort escaped my lips.

yeees a real lady.

The movie was fun, I guess, we watched Paul.It was easy concentrating on it as my face was covered by my hair so he couldn't notice the ever present hand that was clutching my nose.

after the movie we walked around the stores some more and talked, actually it was just me trying but failing miserably at holding up a typical date kind conversation but mostly it was just awkward silence.

Let me tell you something about today's weather: as hot as a flaming monkey ass on a donkey plate.

So I suggest taking the tram. He says : ... it's ok if you want you can go but I'll walk.

Now let me tell you something about the place we've been to: well...it's not a spit away

soo because I felt generous on the outside I played the polite girl : Naaah I'll walk with you. Inside it was a whole other story...I was frustrated and sweating like a pig to put it bluntly.

So on the way he mumbled something about having to go somewhere to buy something...

I said ok because mostly I couldn't understand a word he was saying as cars were passing us by and everything he said was like a whisper to me. So I nodded a lot.

Finally when we rounded a corner after a dorky and very very stupid conversation regarding the quietness of Medieval ages...he said something along the lines

'they didn't live past the age of 20..'

and 'were killed by guards'

and desperate to contribute to this one sided conversation that was waaaay beyond me I add

'yeaah and they're houses were made of hay so they caught fire like crazy'

he mumbled a quiet 'uhum' and a rush of I-don't-know-what-the-fuck-I-am-doing-here came over me again.

I asked him about the place he had to go and it went like:

Me: soo what do you have to buy?Is it something important or can I come too?

He: if you don't want to come you don't have to, it's not like you are attached to my ass.

...wow thinking back, I don't know how I actually managed not to flip the fuck out.

He sounded like a total douche there for a moment and I bit my tongue.

I replied:

'Well now that was a real endearing comeback reaaal fitting'

maybe he sensed that something was wrong and instead of falling into another socially awkward silence he began talking about....latin...and that it should be taught more carefully in schools.

!!!!!O__O!!!!!

in the end we went to a bookstore and he bought a dictionary.

*siiigh*

our goodbyes were sudden and again what was that word again?uuuum...AWKWARD

Him: Ok...this is well then

Me: weeell...ok bye!

Him: Bye

and he ran off.

Mostly after re-reading this I feel bad

he comes off as a shy ok nice guy who somehow showed and interest in me and I am being a complete selfish pretentious complaining bitch.

but after today he will probably think that I am an airhead who smiles too much and is not near as smart as him.

Oh well my big fucking loss *rolls eyes*

I just hope that he doesn't call me again....

p.s I have blisters on my feet again and I miss Mada.

daamn.

Run run run away lost lost lost my mind....

Well haven't been in here for a long time...

Of course a lot of stuff has happened since last time I wrote but I don't really want to go into such deep details right now.

One of the safe topics I am willing to talk,in fact has to do a lot with actually.

Yeah it's TV show *rolls eyes* what were you expecting?ha

SKINS

Wow...simply amazing.The show centers around a group of friends each having their own bag loaded with shit to carry.

Let's take Chris as an example.I admit that I cried my fucking eyes out when I saw his episode.

Or the sketch he did for Jal when they had a fight.

haha...everything was fine at beginning when they were 4,then one went away then another one,and in the end they boy was all alone....died alone.

Oh God Fuck it for Chris!! T.T

Or Tony,I loved him to bits after he realized what a big douche he was being to everyone...well mainly after the episode when they kidnapped Effy.

Gosh I love Effy too....and that sentence from wikipedia,mainly how they describe the end of season 2:

"The series ends with Effy in Tony's bed, reveling in the art work of emotions she has created as she claims her top place in their social world...."

That was that awesome, actually, it was ingeniously described.

btw....Maxxie was amazingly handsome and hot(too bad he was gay...>.>)....daaamn that ep when they went to the beach for 'Chelles bday...thay scene when her and Maxxie laughed when everyone was fighting over the tide....rended me speechless...actually I proceeded in watching that scene over and over again just to bath in that fuckin perfection of an image they made at that moment.Oh and please don't get me started at the colors....fucking brilliant!

eh anyway gotta go

Buh Bye!!!!

-Cause I always stay too loooong

Plan B

Jo

Small Hands

Wow...seriously...I am so pretty damn sure that I haven't been on blogger for like over a half century...yeeeaaah...joy!But really can you blame me?
I mean I AM being a fucking lazy asshole right now...
soooo how bout we just fucking forget bout it? *grins*?

OOOOk

I really can't wait for Christmaaaas!!!
Lately I swear everytime I smell oranges my mind just flies by and gets all Cristmasy XD ha
But really this year,because of our 'tight budget' (yeeeah riiight budget LMAO ) and because I really wanna get involved in crazy stuff concerning x-mas I decided to to thing manually !!!
oooh I seriously can't wait for the Cristmas fair on the 17th december!!!
YEEEEY!!!


BTWWWW

I haven't read a frickin Stephen King book in months!!!!TT.TT
my mana levels are seriusly low cause of that
and I have no money to buy one either !!!!
GODMNAIT!!!

I LOVE FLORENCE I LOVE FLORENCE I LOVE FLORENCE I LOVE FLORENCE I LOVE FLORENCE
Small Hands is oner of her songs featuring Isabella Summers,they were calling themselves "Florrible and Misrabella" XDDD
seriously can I please have a Florence Welch for x-mas, please????pretty pleaseee???
ok so in another order here is some basic stuff that's happening now:
-I'm fucking sick
-Jinxy is a poo factory
-I finally have a wall calendar

oh yes!
AND

that's all

BYE!!

-Jo

Words like rain

Some time passed since I wrote last but...

I'm ok...actually pretty good..

One more week til holiday so that should make my day *sigh*

I'm feeling quite depressed today...cause I started this whole 'changing my life style' thingy and I think I lost 2 kg...but just because I've been running exercising and dieting...

I stopped eating bread and avoid sugar and too much salt..

I'm also paranoia when it comes to poatoes...O.O

But the day before yesterday when I was running my left leg started hurting so I skipped running both yesterday and today T.T...so now I feel depressed

And I know that I shouldn't because practically everything I've been doing was a major 180 turn but...I still feel down

I have this uncomfortable feeling that because I haven't ran yesterday I put back 1 kg T.T

AND THAT'S BULLSHIT!!!

...right?

******

I've been also brushing my teeth!!haha

****

That's it short post today...I don't have patience to write right now -___-'

*****

Get busy living or get busy dying.

Jo.

On Call

If you call me now baby,I'll come running!

Have you ever came across a quiz and it had that kind of question about the future and you had no idea how to answer it...?

Here's the question: What do you want to be when you grow up?

So of course we all shake our heads scratch our necks and just skip it.

But there are also those who have an answer for everything and waste no chance to show off.

After some thought...(I realized that I need many more lives to do all that shit that swims around my head...) and of course after seeing some awesome movie that fire me up,I came with an answer,satisfying for now.

My own hero.

******

Haha,I really went with my dad to that shop.And damn we saw some beauties!

Hehehe...he said he'll buy me one by Easter..

Wow I really wish he did that!

******

So yup school started and now it's Wednesday so two more days and it weekend...

It started out pretty well...on Tuesday we went to school at 9 so we got to sleep a bit in and the second best thing was that the last class was called off...and the Best thing was that my English class was also cancelled!!!Wohoooo

And believe me Tuesdays are one of my worst days

Today it was...tiring...ok but tiring...also got home earlier.
Tomorrow...I hope it won't suck major ass...

and on Friday again at 9...

*sigh*

******

I want to hang out with my old friends T.T....

I kind of miss that...oh shit yeah I miss them!

I haven't had a good laugh for months now...and it's kinda depressing...I hope things will change...and in good...and soon.

******

Also I'm fucking crazy about Skip Beat...and I've been asking myself

Is Tsuruga Ren the answer to all of our answers?

LMAO it's clear now.

My mind's got its own holiday.

******

I fear mediocrity.

You should too.

JO.

I'm choppin' mountains with the edge of my hand!!!

Yaaaaaay guess what's today??????

February the 4th!!!!

Haha OMG that means I've been writing in this blog for a year now...

Wow....a year,huh?

Time sure flies by...XD

Weeell but it sure feels awesome...haha maybe I'll keep this blog for years and decades and when I'll be like 50 I'll stumble upon it on accident and then laugh and cry because of my stupid mistakes and forgotten good and bad memories.Haha I hope that'll happen!! XD

******

Haha today I finished watching Pandora Hearts and I'm a bit disappointed...well the end didn't actually wrap up anything...I hope they make a second season because they left billions of questions unanswered.I really wanted to see Glen's face T.T I bet he was hot like Jack XDDD.

And WTF nobody noticed how that highly and mightily old duck was like...HOT?I mean he was supposed to be old,right?Waaa I have a soft spot for red-headed guys T.T....shame on me!SHAME ON ME !!!!

Anyway if season 2 doesn't come then that means I'll have to try and read the manga and we all know that I've already walked on that path (I mean I know) and it gave me a headache -__-'...

******

Yesterday I saw the new Sherlock Holmes movie (OMG Jude Law Hotness!!!!!) it was fucking wicked ass awesome 0.0....I love cleaver shit like that and the bitter humor thy throw in...WE HAVE A WINNER!!

Great movie!Although it reminded me of L from Death Note and then I remembered bastard shitface Light and then got mad....*sigh*

******

After the movie I went to the mall with my mom...and we bought a really awesome shirt haha with robots on it...even tho I wanted the one with vegetables saying "Fresh Friends!!" awww XDDD

And when we headed home it was already dark and it snowed like crazy!!It's so bittersweet I both loved and hated it...haha the snow was so pretty and bright o.o I fucking swear it was lighty and shit even tho it was already past six...and the sky was a pretty indigo color as well....haha nice sight!

******

So now today after watching Pandora Hearts...I obviously searched for an other anime to watch (well...DUH)

And again we all know that Wolf's Rain just won't happen -__-'....

So after some time I said what the hell and watched K-ON's first episode...and then the second and then the third and now I'm at the 7th episode!!!!

It just fires me up and then I did a quick research and tomorrow I'm going with my dad to a guitar shop!!!YAAAAY I really hope we do!Daaamn I want a guitar...and even tho I know an electric one is too much to sk for...-_-' I'll be more than satisfied with an acoustic one...haha...

And then I ended up listening to Jimi Hendrix (Voodoo Child is one of my faves now XD) and I'm downloading his discography...yeaaaah who doesn't want to chop down a mountain with only the edge of one's hand??Duuuh everyone wants that shit XD...haha he's great!!

*******

Btw Kate Nash is also fucking great...amazing ....mind-blowing!!!

I've been listening to 'So much older' for over a day now...that song makes me shiver...fucking shiver!!!

I swear yesterday night I was listening to that song and I fucking glued myself to the wall and mouthed the lyrics while shivering O.O OMFG...haha embarrassing -___-'

But really anyone who writes something like 'He fell in love Not for a while Just for life' apparent;y fucking makes me tremble out of pleasure and dunno...maybe longing?Haha but that's just plain stupid -__-'

And the feeling of just purely trusting someone is grater that anything I can comprehend...The greatest feeling I can currently wish for...to trust someone and to be trusted...

Wow can you really imagine yourself trusting someone blindly with maybe even your life?

'He relies on her And she helps him out'

This song is about the greatest journey meaning...you meet someone and you fell in love and fell in love for real...for life (I don't understand it...and will probably need good years and experience till I'll believe in everlasting love haha...reference to Laura Marling's Ghosts)....and then they got older so much older...and even if things go slower now...he relies on her because she is no his life the reason he lives and more and she helps him out because she would never change how her life turned out...

Wow...just wow...

********

So now I'm sitting in my shitty chair and listening to a song that makes me shiver while coughing...

yes...I already started coughing and it's the most unpleasant thing about particulary my colds...-__-'...beside the nose lice a faucet thing of course...haha

Haha 10 minutes til midnight so I better hurry to publish this on the 4th not the 5th ...

Well bye then!

********

Remember when we went to Spain

How I wish that we could go back again!

How I wish that we could go back!

Jo.

Glitter in the air

A light subject it is for today!

*******

So last time I spoke bout True Blood...well it seems like this little obsession has come to an end...for now(haha).As fast as I could I downloanded a torrent with the full first season and watched every episode hungrily (I swear I fuckin licked my lips every time Bill came up)...such eye candy...I candy I tell you!!The the next season came after.By friday I was done with the whole deal ready for the last episode on HBO.(Of course I didn't download the last ep!It would've just shattered the magic,I guess..haha)

And the last scene just had me on the edge of my seat!!!WTF??Who's bright idea was to kidnapp Bill just after he purposed to his fucking woman???AND WTF SOOKIE??she needs time to think? I would have said yes without a frickin blink.no hesitation whatsoever.

Now I'm waiting like a good little girl for the next season...ut if HBO doesn't but the frickin season the so far with the good girl.The HBO staff can fully prepare themselves for a storm...cause I aien't come lightly!

********

I got a new phone.

Me and my dad were looking at phones on the internet the other day and I showed him some awesome little fellas and then he goes like 'Ooooh I know the best damn thing!" and then he shows me THE phone.(sweatdrop here).THE phone consist in a Nokia 6300 (another sweatdrop)....'Oh yeaaaah dad!My dream phone!How'd you know???' of course I was being sarcastic...and tried every little argument I could think of...to make him change his mind...

But even with my hard tries guess what was waiting for me the next day when I got home from school(actually I skipped last class so I got home earlier!Thanks God for music classes)

So took you long enough to figure out?

Yes my dear inexistent brothers and sister THE beautiful shiny phone was waiting for my return on my desk.If it had eyes...it would have winked at me!I swear!!! But there it is like fucking glittery shit on my desk mocking me whike daring me to say something rude or sarcastic while my dad's boasting grin widened.

*******

so yeah now I can listen to music...the first days I did it all the time..when I got up in the morning...when I was on the bus...at school in breaks...even in a few classes...so let me get it staight...I listen to music even when I take a shit!

Yeaaah that's how crazy it went in the beginning!

But after I gave it some thought....who the fuck cares what kind of phone it is as long as I can boast my shitty music while I shit?

So now I don't even care...but the only think I'm a little upset about is the camera...well it has 2 megapixels...which actually sucks!

But I try really hard so cut me some slacks!

********

It's monday night...I took a bath,washed my hair...and now I'm sitting in my sorry ass of a chair ,in my old and worn-out baggy and dirty hoodie (it has no hood haha) and without socks...fortunatelly my feet aren't frozen!

The tv is turned on (hahah OMG the TV is turned on ) haha that was so childish XD...well anyway I'm watching some shit ass ad right now...but not for so long because Taylor Swift wats to crack her voice a little for the Grammys.

And yes even if I'm thinking of food (not that I'm hungry!my mom fetched some awesome shit called food from Mcdonald's haha can you believe it?it tasted damn good ,even with my cold!) I feel like throwing a fist full of glitter in the air.

Because when I think about it I like life.I love to plan out every single detail of the future (and no sadly it's never like I imagine it!) but I don't care!Fuck if I do!

For the time being I plan to go with the flow...and maybe after my age blooms a little ,I'll be able to step up and take thins in my own hands!

I'm waiting for that moment for years and I'll be waiting some more...but I have my fears,what if I miss the chance and never open my eyes and see the world for what it is?

Sometimes life seems both long and short.Whe you see a woman or man in the TV and they say that he or she is the oldest woman or man on the Earth how do you feel?How does that person feel?

Did her/his life come to this in a blink of an eye...did she/he travel?save many memories?both good and bad?loved?cried?mourned?wished for an endless night?just lived for the moment?

Sometimes memories are the most precious treasure a man could have.

Of course there are things we want to forget,things that are well hidden behing the purple curtain.So fragile that one look or thought could shatter them and flood your mind until it leaves you crying and broken.

Those tears are like glitter in the air.

**********

haha I always feel like a fool when I reread what I wrote...haha but I don't really care because it maked me feel just a little bit better...

Haha..ok so I'm a goner now...

Bye...

Boo'ya Moon

Smuck!

Bool!The End!
It goes behind the purple...

SOWISA

Everything the same

Jo.

That lucky ass,ragged,see-through shirt!

So I decided to not speak of my school,mainly my class ever again.I wish them all thousand years of butt pain and sore legs.But no more detail...cause I really hate them and don't wanna talk about fuckers with no fucking real ass-fucking life.Phew.

OKOKOKOKOKOK

Recently I've been really fixated on the Tv.There are days when I don't even switch on my laptop.Freacky I know...but true.

But really...watching more television mean more movies unchecked off my 'Must see movies before death'...which means more hot pieces of men meat added to my 'Hot piece of men meat' list.Haha life is sooo getting better.

I've noticed True Blood somewhere last november I think...when I accidentally stumbled over an HBO and what on Earth made me watch that episode filled with perfect men species oozing off hotness and baring their fangs at each other..well I have no idea.But fuck I did...so yeah a way to pass time,I though...at that time.

And now here I am panting,daydreaming about a hot piece of ass man.Yeaaaah of course I mean Bill because no matter how hard I try to like Eric and Sookie together I fucking CAN'T!!!And don't even want to.

Imagine my dismay when I read on wikipedia that they're going to get married?What the FUCKING ROYAL FUCK???Areyou people fucking insane???How ca you not choose Bill????Every fucking thing about him screams HOT!

I watch the show and my ees are fucking glued when he's in a scene.OMG I'm blinding over here O__O...if I could be that ragged ,little see-trough t-shirt he's wearing I'd be happy for the rest of my life and I like fucking MEAN IT.

It practically became a full-time obsession like...'How many fucking days are there til Friday???'

Yooosh now that was it for today...btw I've been hearing Bad things by Jace Everett playing in my head the whole day.Damn that hot ass song *drooling*

I'd be more that happy to let Bill do bad things to me with this song playing in the background.

Haha

Yup.Life is definitely getting better now!

******

I wanna do bad things with you.

I wanna do real bad things with you.

Ow, ooh.

Jo.

She comes and goes and no one KNOWS

HAHA Happy New Year!!!
YaaaY for 2010!!XD
Wow this is my first post in the new year,huh?Actually,truth to be told....this kind of thing doesn't mean anything to me,I mean this whole new start thing and I really hate the first day of the year.It was always like this...it always sucks no matter what.
This is the last day of my holiday...sad,huh?
Well it means going back to school,learning more stuff,exams and facing people who hate you.No not hate more like ignore,I think ignoring someone it's worse that hating face to face...well,it just upsets me,oh well I have to get over it,right?
My vacation was pretty good.I spent time with Sandra and yes actually I really did miss her.
Well Christmas was...pretty platonic.I tried getting in the mood...I downloaded carols...sang them with my grandma and mom(but she sucks so she just hummed along XD)...cleaned my room,decorated it and the christmas tree.OMG such pathetic tree XD...well my mom bought it without consulting me,so what did I expect?
Eventually after whinning about how I never get a real present...my dad bought me a watch.And I'm pretty ok with it,I wanted a watch so it's just perfect.
I wasn't happy tho,I just felt like going with the flow.I think that pretty much that's all that I do these days.
I really don't wish for something wholeheartedly...I just think 'I want that' but when I have to fight for that I just go like 'Naaah I don't really need it'
And that really angeres me.I want to do this,I want to own that,but because of my shithead attitude I just give up on everything.
So I decided to try my best and fix things up at school.I mean with Simina...because when I think back,I was pretty happy with being her friend and even if I try I really can't think ill about her.Because I loved how we could just talk about shit and she would laugh at things I said...it made me feel all happy inside and think 'wow she thinks that I'm actually funny?'...so all in all I won't give up.Maybe she''ll push me away at first but that doesn't matter because I decided to try to not do things half-heartedly.I really won't give up this time!
So just wait Simina!!Throw me as many disgusted glances as you want I'll still be your friend after that!

****

Even if my heart feels a little lighter after admitting that my mind is set and I won't accept anything but succes in this new year...I still have other problems too.
At the beginning of the holiday I took my heart in my hands and together with my mom (OOO call me chicken I don't care XDD) I headed to the Library.I haven't returned Four Past Midnight I by Stephen King for over a month.So of course I accepted my fate and was ready to be suspended for a month (of course I looked after my punishment online!!XD),so with a heavy heart I,along with my mom,entered the Library.
The watcher thing man at the entrace took our coats and gave us a number instead...(WTF? should #29 help me keep warm when in cold days?) anyway we went upstairs...with every step my heart went a little lower.By the last step when I felt it beating in my right leg I started silently freaking out.I mean whose heart sinks in the right leg?Really?...But even after that I continued walking straight ahead.I coulnd't loose to those librarian ladies.No sir,I'm going to hold my head straight up and say proudly 'Yes I had the book for more than a month'.And then walk out carrying my punishment with pride.Ha that's what I thought.
When we entered the Adult Section we were greeted with sight of a whole bunch of people cheking in and out their books.
Great,I thought,public humiliation,what more can a girl dream of?
But nevermind that I still went with steady steps holding myself carefully with an emotionless face ready for the disaprooving looks I was sure were going to greet me.
So I said a straight 'Hello ma'am' gave my pass and counted down the second,in my head.
I carefully handed the lady the book.She took it without hesitation,glancing at me.For a second I thought 'Ok that's it!Fucking run for the window!That's the closest!!'...when I heard her saying 'Would you like to get anything else?'.....
I stared at her hard whole fricking five seconds straight.Was this bitch toying with me couldn't she see the caged animal look in my eyes?...when it HIT me...she didn't check the date I was supposed to return the book.
I was bubbling in the inside!!!I mumbled something along the lines 'I can?' and the woman throw me a weird glance but said 'Of course!Go ahead'
I was sooo happy I practically skipped to the book section with my mom behind me.
I felt like the woman had just said that I could take over the world.I don't think that could have made me more happier!XDD...The feeling that I was doing something wrong was there but I actually welcomed it and made me even more excited.So I quickly cheked the place where books by Stephen King usually are left.

Mobile,already read
Christine,already read
From a Buick 8,already read
The Green mile,tried but dropped

....
and then I found a book with a ragged old cover,opened it and inside someone wrote with a pen 'The Shinning' by Stephen King
Because this is the book I wanted to read the most in the past...I checked through the book and found many missing pages.With a heavy heart I put the book down.I was upset and my sudden adrenaline rush from before dissapeared like it never existed.I found my mother checking out Paul Coelho.
One of my classmates did a presentation on 'Veronica,decides to die' last week and I was pretty interested in the book.After all the girl falls in love with schizofren.It ought to be interesting,right?
But before that something told me to take a last look at the Stephen King books,call it intuition or idiocy, or whatever.But I went back with a sigh and cheked again the books.Yup I read all of them and even if it was very tempting to take the old copy of 'The Shinning' home...I knew I would regret it later because of that bunch of missing pages.So I sighed and stood up,when with the corner of my eye I caught sight of a really big book that looked pretty new on the higher shelf.So I slowly reached for it...with my heart beating faster with every second.I finally touched it and with a sudden move I took it out.
The cover read 'Duma Key' by Stephen King.
....
Inside I started laughing maniacally and heard the lyrics of a great song started rolling through my mind.
I'M THE FUCKING KING OF THE WORLD.
HAHAHAHA
WHOOO...I felt high...can I get drugged with just finding a book?
The answer?
hell yeah!!
Wow I felt so good I started shaking XDD...so when my mom finally showed up to see what I was staring at so intently with a creepy smile on my face I could hardly keep the excitement from my voice...I started wishpering fastly because...let's face it I was ready to scream my lungs out XD...
'Duma Key' was written by Stephen King in 2008 and right then and there for me that was his newest book which begged me to read it.Can you imagine me hesitate?
I hugged the thick book to my chest and headed to check it in.
I suspiciously handed the lady the book (not the same woman as before) and she scribbled down something on my pass and then asked me to sign...I happily complied.
After that we happily exited the Adult Section,my mom went to for a drink and left me in the hallway hugging my dear book to my chest to look through the great photography exposition that was presented there.
So yeah I looked through them and apreciated the photogapher for his/her great art sense.
After my mother returned we victoriusly walked toward the man at the entrace to our coats back.
I handed him #29 and he gave us back our belongings.Seriously of course that number wouldn't keep me warm from the chilly air,what was in his mind?
Because I was hungry,our new mission was to find an awesome fast food and eat some great junk food.
So we found a place near my dad's work and ordered our food.We waited until it was finished and I practically attacked my food,I was so hungry.
I was busy devoring my food so I hadn't noticed my mom talking on the phone until she announced me that my aunt and grandma were going to the mall and we were going to tag along.
Ok,I thought,I'd like that.
I don't really say this out loud,ever,but I love my aunt.She's the person I look up to since I was a little kid.
So I began to feel excited again.
So I finished eating and we headed to the place where she was going to pick us up.
As usual we waited for a good 20 minutes until her blue peugeot showed up.
Yeaaaa,when I grow up I want to be just like her!No joking XD
We got in the car me in the back with my gradma and mom in the front beside my aunt(I don't like sitting in the front,besides sitting in the front mean the safety belt is a must,which I also hate)...
We greeted each other and waited for my aunt to start the car with akward grins on our faces,when she turned to me and lopped a thik book in my lap.
'Talisman' by Stephen King and Peter Straub.
...
OMFG can this day get any better?
I was shocked and didn't know how to react and of course becaus eof that I became embarrased.I didin't know what to say and awkwardly asked 'Just like this?' or something like that.And she said that it's my early Christmas present.
I sat there quietly in the back of my aunts blue peugeot hugging two of Stephen King's chocolat cakes.
I truly felt happy and lucky at the same time.

****

Now thinking back I think that was one of the best days of my holiday.
Actually that was the last day of school.It was Friday,the same day of my Geography exam,at which I studied.
And later in the mall while my mom was at the bathroom and my aunt disappeared somewhere me and my grandma got talked into buying some perfume.Haha of course the perfume belongs to me and sits happily on my shelf with the others(no worries my mom paid for it,in no way do I want to burden my grandma).
Well anyway the next day I started reading 'Duma Key'...after all I had to finish it by 20 december so this time I could return the book without feeling like a criminal.
The book stunned me...and even if I didn't get the whole 'this is my new favourite book' feeling I still can't shake the 'WOW' off.I returned the book exactly on the 28th because that was the only day the Library was open.Lucky,huh?And after that I started reading 'Talisman'...but every time I turned the page I remembered something from DK and found myself missing reading the book.I was soo upset I couldn't read another word from 'Talisman' anymore.
This has happened several times already and I just can't get over 'Duma Key'.
I'm so pitiful...and actually the translation bothers me as well...and the beginning was clearly written by Peter Straub,because King doesn't just jump into events like that.He slowly accumulates the story to a point where you simply can't put the book down until you haven't read the final word.It's like sucking dry the book.Like you are thirsty and the book is your only way to survive.Haha...yes King gives that impression.
But with 'Talisman'..this really changed...so far I really don't like this Jack kid,he's being paranoia for no reason...eventually I'm sure that something will happen to make him eally feel fear,but for now he just annoys me.That's how I stated things with this book...I really hope that I'll change my mind and fear that this will be just like with 'The Green Mile'...the book I simply couldn't find interest in...
Let's hope for the best.

****

I found an awesome blog last week that I had fun reading.Obsession Rerun is Calamity,Ambrosia and Ms.Sunnybrook's happy place where they let their imagination free and their obsessions run crazy.Nevertheless after reading through the posts and staring at the pictures with hot men my mind was set.John Mayer was definitely on my hottest artist's list.
So I downloaded his whole discography and took my time listening his songs.
now I proudly say that he is my 3rd fave artist of all time XD.First being Coldplay and second Kings of Leon.
I knew 'No such thing' from way back when I read a reat fanfiction of Bleach.But I searched for lyrics and Wow.He truly is amazing.

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
And I wanna shout at the top of my lungs
I just found out there is such a thing as THE Mayer
It's no lie you've got to rise above.

Haha great artist.

****

It has been snowing like crazy since 3 AM this morning.And now the whole town is covered in a fluff white cover that is just too cold to be touched.I seriously wouldn't want to touch it.
The irony?
On Christmas Eve it was raining cats an dogs with lightning and thunder and the whole package.
Haha,the beauty of life.XD
Well I really don't welcome the cold and the snow,in fact I hate it.I'm totally a summer person.
And the worst part?
Tomorrow is the first day at school which means my ass will freeze til I get there ,WHICH means my day will start shitty,WHICH means it will be hard putting my whole Simina plan in action.
Not to mention the fact that I might slip,because let's face it babe,winter hates me,I hate winter.This is how life truly rolls 'round here,hot stuff(haha I've been listening to Kesha's new album) XD
Ok so now I think I should bath and cut my bags before my mom arrives home and finds out that I haven't studied a thing -__-' (I still have 2 exams left,remember?)
Daaamn school life!!
Who the fuck said high school is fun?
This is not about enjoying it,it's about surviving it.
I hope I sound dramatic,cause that's how I feel right now.

****

Wow pretty long post.
Well I had both nothing and everything to write about..
...so give me a break.

She's always buzzing just like
Neon,neon
Neon,neon
Who knows how long,how long
She can go before she burns away.

Jo

Pink Bullets

Gees I think it's time to write something smart here because looking at my last post made me realize how many things I said in the shortest sentences I've ever written.

Remember when I talked about the ups and downs?Well I think I reached the top of the hill and now it's time for me to climb down or God knows what might happen I could accidentally trip over my own feet and stumble down the hill ungracefully and break my neck.

Yes that might just be it.You know people really amaze me.

There are so many kind of people.Sour people,bitter people not so many of sweet people nowadays....

But why bother to befriend them when they just stab you in the back later?

Yesss I know that they're also human even if they're FRIENDS (caught my drift?:]..)well anyway it must be some sort of law of the nature.Like your inner someone bugs you like

"Hey you stupid!!Go over there and start a conversation with that mugger!!!See what you can make of it,if the shithead doesn't cooperate we drop the case but if the asshole looses up then we mess with her head for another three month then we totally ignore the motherfucker...maybe look at her from time to time just to confuse the shit out of her!Got that shit face?It's a plan!!"

Basically that happened to me.I bet Simina's inner swears like that!I can really see that...

But anyway...I'm thinking of turning everyone out for the time being...no friends?got it...no boyfriend?got that right....no money?you hit the nail on the head....no stupid thing to occupy your time with?I think we have a winner!What shall your prize be?Royal Crown?a Coke maybe?

Geees thankies for the nice Christmas present you high school people!

But dropping this back-stabber topic I want to talk about something light just to ease myself?So what if I'm selfish?Nowadays people pay you if you got that shit!No kidding!

About movies...movies are nice...yeah you can watch them when you feel like it they tell a story have awesome music use non-monosyllabic words and the best thing about them is that they don't fucking IGNORE you when you want to fucking WATCH THEM!!!!

Movies don't go like :"NOOO motherfucker go away don't you fucking dare press play cause I swear I'm going give you such a big error that your brain will explode!And this is not sweet pie talk I fucking want to chat with my movie friends who after some time will fucking stab me in the back so don't you fucking dare to interrupt me FUCKING SHIT FACE !!"

yeah well imagine a movie talking to you like that...no fuck that imagine a movie ACTUALLY talking to you...I think you get the picture and the facts hit me as hard as a bitch slap from a movie.I just lost my only friend!She fucking ignores me just like that!!And I swear when I talk to her and she says shit back it half-mouthed and you can actually hear disgust in her voice!

God I hate people.If I ad the chance I would fucking throw onions in their eyes for like 10 YEARS!!!And then make them listen to Simona sing for days and weeks and years!!!Oh God that would be satisfying....yes..

I really need to change myself...but I found it utterly impossible to change the way I see people.

Like when you meet them...yes you have to admit that you judge that person by the first impresion he/she gave you and then you get to know the shooting star...and BAM you see through his/her actions like you've known her all your life.

And even if you like the little cherry cupcake you hate her.Because you just fucking hate the way he/she DOES or HANDLES something....and I really don't want to get into detail because the way people speak...well let's just say that it speaks of the person iself.And damn that blue panda's future's not that bright.

Let's take homosexuality for an exemple...no let's take lesbians for an exemple...well they're people who may leave a somehow STRONG first impression on you and even if you are very reserved they just fucking get under your skin!!!But by the end of the day you still fucking hate them because when you watch them on the TV and you fucking want to please yourself you fucking don't get turned on because they take THAT long...they just fucking DON'T GO FOR IT!!!And I truly hate them for that!They just lost a lesbian supporter when they made that movie!Damn right!

Ok so I leave it that I'm having it rough but when you think about it who doesn't?

wow the question of the century...

Ending it with that...

I'm in for a beautiful night!(YAY)

Jo